This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and she was petting her beer can
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
