Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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