We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
