My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize