Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
