I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
