I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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