it wasn't lemon gatorade
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
