Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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