I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
