i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
