dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
