I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
