Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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