Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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