I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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