I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
