I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
