mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize