I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
too bad you live with your parents still
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
