When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
