Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
PANTIES FOUND
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