I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize