I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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