Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
These tits shall not be calmed
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