Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
