Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
