filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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