I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
