hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
