if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
