I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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