Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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