i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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