Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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