Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
