i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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