hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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