i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
