you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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