i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
