He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
