Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never underestimate the power of titties
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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