perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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