he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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