"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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