Im at strip club and am horny
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize