He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
