tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
