Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
