Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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