from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
