She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
