laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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