Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
