He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
