i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
