Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
