i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you win again, gameday.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize