I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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