A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
