She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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