u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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