whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
