I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my being single is dangerous.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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