Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
