I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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