I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize