You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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