Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?