The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with