I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.