So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.