I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!