I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.