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I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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