My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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