I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
