shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
