You really coming over, don't trick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
