The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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