If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
