The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My penis needs a shock collar
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
