There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize