So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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