If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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