my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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