cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
