Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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